My Insults

Titmouse
"Way to be, Titmouse."
A perfect insult. Crass (tit), diminutive (mouse) all wrapped into the name of a North American songbird. So any extra offense is your victim's fault for having a crude mind. You were simply calling them a bird. Sophisticated.

Smallballs
"Hey, smallballs, get over here."
Since our culture trains many of its men to worry about their penis size -it is a key target area for ridicule. For men, it is desirable to have a large shaft but is it equally desirable to have a large scrotum? These are details that bold academia has yet to tackle. Smallballs is the perfect rhyming zinger. It sug
gests "I am insulting your manhood without a clear understanding of how that should be done."

Peenhat
"Well maybe if you'd stop being a peenhat."
My brother stunned me with this gem one day. I immediately knew "peen" referred to penis because it's the next castle up from asshat. But exactly what does the peenhat look like? Is it horizontal with an obvious peak? Or is it worn erect -vertical-style like a party hat? The peenhat is as much a dynamic art gallery of images as it is an insult.

Bonetown
"This is bonetown."
This is a term to insult a situation. Legend has it that this phrase first surfaced when my brothers and I were watching the mediocre film The Ghost and the Darkness (screenplay writer William Goldman lost his soul on this one. I think it was part of the deal with the devil that allows him to write the gems: Princess Bride and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid). Val Kilmer stars as a hunter trying to kill some people-eating lions. At the end, he finds their scary cave and discovers piles and piles and piles of bones. Summing up the scene my brother stated "whoa, bonetown'. It now means any undesirable situation.