Friday, March 14, 2008

Love - Some Definitions

Love is a terrible word.

I love you.
I love my family
I love nachos.

Love is a realm in need of definitions. I presented these at Corbin's Something Worth Talking About Show. It was themed: Love (revisited).

Flirting is the energy between two people caused by desire. It's much like soccer baseball in high school: it's a game that you have to play even if you don't want to and there are no internationally accepted rules. Playing flirting in different cultures can result in quite different experiences. What is accepted is that, in flirting, the first to ten points wins. The goal is to make someone desire you by suggesting that you desire them. If you don't desire them at all then you are being a tease. If you desire them too much then you are being creepy. Each player must choose to escalate the flirt game to the next level. This can be done through language, touching, or through the clever use of pauses. Most flirting games end in a draw known as "confusion". No one has ever won a game of flirting but sometimes it ends in "doing it" or "getting it on".

A crush is the person that you pick for your own imagination game. This game involves picturing yourself and your crush doing things together. If you only picture you and your crush "getting it on" or "doing it" then you do not have a crush. You have lust. If you picture you and your crush holding hands, living abroad together, or doing something that you saw in a movie, then you have a crush. Be warned, a crush can transform from a game into an obsessive condition. This happens because of the sheer joy of imagination, quizzes in teen magazines, and general boredom. A crush can be cured by skeptical friends, the bitter potion of aging or, in some cases, by meeting your crush.

Unconditional love
This is when someone supports you in a completely irrational way; they support all of your choices before you make them. People who love you unconditionally never listen to what you say. They smile and nod, shower you with praise, and cry because you're growing up. You cannot choose to love anyone unconditionally. It tends to occur when you spend a lot of your life with someone or if you happened to see them as a baby emerging from your vagina. It's important for children to have someone who loves them unconditionally so that they grow up with the feeling that all of their ideas are good and it is the world that is wrong.

Sluts are people who are physically intimate with many people. Usually without the culturally acceptable waiting period. It's a tragedy that we only have one word for our sluts because they come in very differnent varieties. Some sluts use physical intimacy because it gives them attention and a sense of worth; they risk being seen as a sexual tool for others. Other sluts simply like how it feels to "get it on" and enjoy multiple partners in equal and pleasant sexual relations. These sluts spread goodwill like Mother Teresa. But unlike Mother Teresa their names are not used as compliments. In fact, slut is often used as an insult to control young women by suggesting that they don't know what to do with their own bodies.

"Getting it on" or "Doing it"
For some these expessions mean having sexual intercourse with someone. For others it suggests, intensive lip-to-lip and hand-to-body rubbing or possibly oral-on-genital dancing. If someone asks you to specify what you meant when you said "doing it" then they have committed a grave error in etiquette. But if they watch an online video of you perform sexual activities then it is you who have committed the error because it is science that every recorded session of "getting it on" is destined for the internet. This certainty can be expressed in a formula pioneered by mathmatician Paris Hilton.

This is the belief that people have a proper match. Soulmate theory is not very advanced. For instance, if you are heterosexual and your soulmate is homosexual there's no way to tell who made the mistake.

Love at First Sight
This is a device used to save time in movies. Most movies are about love but, with only two hours to tell a story, they have to establish a full, mutual, trusting relationship in a glance. This saves directors time that can then be used to show sex, explosions, or boat chases where the characters are having sex as boats explode. In reality, most people have to meet and learn about someone before loving them. But love-at-first-sight can happen between two people who have written documents describing their personality tatooed on their face.

This is a legal agreement that the state encourages couples to enter in order to record the legitimate heirs of their property. There are some tax benefits.

Human beings are social animals we know this because we are amusing to watch from above, like ants.
Love is the struggle to see this with someone else.
A moment outside of it all where we can help each other build the prison that we want to live in.

1 comment:

Liz said...

I love this post. I'm thinking of asking it to move to the South of France with me...